Prioritize Self-Care and Protect Your Time
For many of us, saying no to others is often a big challenge. Many times, we just agree to things to avoid the discomfort that comes with saying NO. Look at toddlers for instance, they have no trouble in saying this magic word, but as we all grow older it becomes more and more difficult to say it.
According to Cheryl Richardson in The Art of Extreme Self-Care:
You feel is burning deep in the pit of your belly. It’s struggling, churning inside you to force its way up.
Your mind is urging you to say it, your body tense with anticipation; it’s hovering on the tip of your tongue, but in the end, what comes out is – yes.
Learning to say NO is definitely an art. And for some it’s very hard to develop this art. Let’s look at a few reasons why its so hard to say no.
At our core, most of us hate to disappoint others and let them down. We want to avoid the guilt that comes with saying no. We know how it feels when someone says no to us, and we don’t want a friend or loved one to feel the same way.
Sometimes, we find it difficult to come up with the right words to refuse a request. We feel that we may come off as rude or impolite.
Other times, we perceive saying ‘NO’ as a sign of weakness, either in our own minds or in our work/ personal environment.
As humans, we have an innate need to be liked, and when we have to say no we fear that others will see us as difficult to get along with or someone that doesn’t play well in a team.
Saying ‘yes’ because everyone else is doing it. How many times have we just blankly said yes to something because everyone around us does the same? More often than not.
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
– Warren Buffet
These are just some of the many reasons that we all find it hard to say NO.
Believe it or not, but one of the main ways to practice self-care is to learn to set boundaries for yourself, set limits, say no and just be okay with sometimes having to having to disappoint people. Self-care means that you put yourself first, and prioritize your time, energy, emotional and physical needs. You need to learn to pluck yourself out of difficult situations that cause you stress, you need to learn to protect your space.
When you change the rules of the game, people are bound to not like it, especially if you’ve always been a people pleaser and the word ‘no’ really hasn’t been part of your dictionary. A meaningful life means focusing on your well-being and taking care of your needs first.
Let’s look at some techniques that you can use to master the art of saying no.
1.Practice, practice practice.
Nothing comes easily in the beginning and the more you practice saying no the better you will get at it and the more comfortable you will be to say it.
2.Set your priorities.
When you know what your priorities are you are in a better place to reject a request as it doesn’t align with what you want to focus on during the day, week or month. Making a to-do list of the things that are on your plate will help you also realize how much time and space you have to handle other’s requests.
3.Use kindness.
Saying no doesn’t have to be rude or brisque. When someone asks you for something that you really don’t want to do, all you need to do is add on a few words that feel good to the other person despite the rejection.
4.Be brief.
You don’t have to go about explaining in detail your reasons for saying no. Offer a polite short answer. This doesn’t have to entail a list of reasons why you can’t do something. E.g “Sadly, I will not be ablet to take on the project at this time”
5.Where possible offer an alternative
Sometimes, we don’t want to leave our loved ones hanging. In such situations its best to offer an alternative. By suggesting another option to someone, it gives alternatives they can choose from.
To Break It Down
Saying no isn’t always easy—but it’s often necessary and once you master this art, you’re less stressed and more focused on the things that matter to you the most. Let go of the guilt that you associate with saying no because it’s sometimes important for your own self-care, your time and your energy.
Here are some ways to say No:
